Sorry to hear about your childhood trauma, I don't know you well, but no child deserves to be traumatised in any way, shape or form. I wish I could say more on that, but I am not qualified enough. Yeah, the positivity thing is what drives me too, you might have noticed a trend in the projects I tend to involve myself in, or perhaps you would if you looked. I think over the recent weeks, I have tried to draw a line in the sand with the drama between this forum and Acorn/you/Helmuts, and at times I have felt like I have needed to step in when it got a bit out of hand. But some things remain a mystery, and I think we'd all like to hear some answers about some things. Mainly, why do you get robbed so much?
Haha - yes its happened a bit recently. I'm over worked and have a very structured life to be able to fit things in so when i go out i get totally smashed and am a bit vulnerable. I also like to have some time where i can not be the person in control, the person who is not accountable.
I haven't seen your work but will look into it.
The thing you have to realise is that i am tied down by what i can and can't say as apparently if you are authentic or honest it makes you un-investable (not that i even want investment).
People want to see Lambos, Property and girls - that's not a real CEO and thats not what motivates me to make a difference. Because i dont care about money i can take more risk.
All i want is to go back to Scotland and have a small place near a river and take the dogs for walks, ride my mountain bike and feed the pigs & sheep. No internet no money.
I remember being 5,6,7,8 & 9. I had a vision of going to Oxford or Cambridge university and it was so beautiful and so vivid. I was a year ahead at school and my brother and i use to build bridges over rivers, ride wild horses and go hiking with mum and dad.
One day when i was around 9 i was at my grandparents and woke up early. I went to the bathroom and my grandad (or nonno as we called him) had left the heater on. I feinted and banged my left eye on the bidet - its sounds posh but it wasn't - just that my Grandad was Maltese and ended up in Scotland as a prisoner of war when Gaddafi took over in Libya. He was very successful with his 2 brothers but they took everything. This is why we called the finance business Falbros (Falzon Brothers) in honour of my grandad. I also have 2 brothers so there is synergy.
I spent 9 months in and out of hospital and lost sight in my left eye. It gradually came back - not 100% but enough that i could get by.
My dad was in the Navy so they thought it best to put me & my brother in a military boarding school as in the late 80's there were big differences in education systems and the school was part funded.
I will always remember my first day at boarding school. I was Ewen 4189 - at boarding school you lose your first name for some reason. I'd only been there a few hours and decided it wasnt for me so i went to the headmasters office to be greeted by his secretary who seemed surprised that i demanded to see him. After a while i barged into his office and said i wanted to leave. He was pretty angry and i explained i wanted to leave. He thought it was funny and told Ewen 4189 to go back to his dormitory. I said no. He replied 'get out of my office or else...'
I stood my ground and said no. He asked me if i thought i was a big man - i replied no - i just don't want to be here. He took off his belt and gave me 10 lashes then repeated to go back to my dormitory - i said no and the lashes continued. After 30 lashes which felt like a life time he turned the belt around so the metal buckle was being used. I remember it like it was yesterday when he missed and the metal buckle skipped up and caught him above his left eye.
He lost his shit and had me up against the wall - my feet fully off the floor. I was 10 and a bit years old and this pathetic excuse of a man beat me with his fists. He was so angry and threw me out of the office. That day i stumbled back to my dormitory having lost a big part of my sight. That day the lights went off - not just my eyes but my vision for Oxford and Cambridge. I don't think its right that a child should have their light turned out.
I remember limping and feeling the wall trying to work out how to get back. My sight comes and goes but i have incredible hearing and see in a different way.
The boarding school thing lasted around 8 weeks - with many funny stories in between - from hiding in a river for 3 days after running away while being chased by 400 elite navy, army and military cadets to letter bash (a game you never want to play)
Life kind of went back to normal - and nobody knew - i settled into school in Stubbington and started playing squash. Squash works well for me because of the confined space which helps my vision because the sound is so acute.
I got pretty good - played county and national. Sport is my thing it gave me a channel to get my anger out in a positive way and i learned from boarding school that you can separate your body from your mind which is important in sport because to get results you have to physically push yourself to the edge to get results.
I never stayed in one place too long as i wasn't comfortable being me - and i didnt want people to know that i had a bit of a gift - i guess i was always running away.
During covid i jumped off a bridge in London - not to kill myself but i had been out running and my phone fell out of my pocket. I was tired and decided to jump in after it. I spent 2 years in bed - too weak to get out of bed. I re-evaluated my life and worked out what i wanted to truly do. I made an 8 year plan. People talk about doing a deal with the devil in business but i made a gilt (promise) with god. I said if he gave me the energy and strength to get out of bed then there would be no more running, no more hiding, i would go for it and i would change the world. (Dont miss-understand this point - this isnt about being elon musk - but instead we all have the capacity to make people smile and start the day the right way -- its called the butterfly effect in Maths).
And so here i am - thats my why - just because i didnt have a community, country, government or guardian angel that cared enough for me doesnt mean i have to carry it with me. I look back at is as an elite training camp to prepare me for what comes next....